Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
