I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me they were just razor bumps!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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