Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
