Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
