yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
