From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
