dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
