Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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