I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
