so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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