haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
