Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
