I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
