Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
