I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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