I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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