You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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