We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I want her autograph on my taint
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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