and you said cock pushups were impossible
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
