Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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