Welp...herpes.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize