You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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