I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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