Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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