i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
