his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
