All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
