so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
