she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
