YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
