dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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