Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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