How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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