i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
