i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
