she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize