Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
