I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
