If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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