South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize