FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
