You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
