Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
