Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
