everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
