Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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