Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
