Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
