Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't deserve a penis
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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