i think i have two assholes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What a dumb baby whore.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
