Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
