Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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