I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
