Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
