FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize