Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
