You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
