Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
