I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
