I cannot find my penis.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
