i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
