Someone shit on the floor
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
