I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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