a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
