I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
