you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
