I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
