the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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