He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
