clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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