My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
