Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
