4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
