You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize