id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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