he puts the penis in happiness.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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