WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
