If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I AM VODKA MAN
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize