somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
