I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
