thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
