All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
