So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
