consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
