If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
