Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
