Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it glows. i had to have it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
