she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
