How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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