I hope mine doesn't look like that
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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