Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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