I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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