Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
